Let Your Imagination Run Wild With These '80s Music Dates From Hell

You know that age-old, conceptual conservation piece when you're asked what three historical figures with whom you would most like to have dinner? I remember years ago when David Letterman, in a memorable skit for the '80s NBC version of his late-night show, chose William Shakespeare, Abraham Lincoln and Gene Shalit for his dinner of distinction: a "wretched repast" of Bojangles' chicken.

I was thinking recently that there are so many twists to that basic idea and that even within the realm of '80s music the possibilities are more than abundant. So I thought I'd start with an anti or bizarro list of some kind, and what better than a list of the '80s music artists who would most stick out like a sore thumb in your parents' living room, making small talk and trying to answer your dad's question about what they're gonna do with their lives? By necessity, this must be merely an introductory list, as often questions like this come down so subjectively to a matter of taste. But really, the more I think about it, this one might be pretty definitive. Still, before you say anything, realize that I've omitted Ozzy Osbourne for two reasons: he's too safe and obvious as a choice and he's been highly tamed over the years as a pop culture figure so that we now understand he was always a bit of a softy. No, check out my list for the '80s artists who could really send the folks screaming for the exits.